Sunday, December 13, 2015

can't leave the apartment

Yesterday I went to Wintervale. Made cookies. Told stories. Shared Jokes. Listened. Ate food. Like a normal girl.

Yesterday, or this morning, I had another dream. This one was of my brother. You know, he gave me the best gifts. He knew me. Sometimes, I noticed how he watched my face. It really must have done a lot for him, to see me light up with delight. Wicked. Halo 3 the show Show. Monterey Bay Aquarium. Beetles cover band in a British pub. San Diego Zoo. WoW party with JP and Kevin. LotR. Universal Studios. Disney Land. Gran Torino. True Romance. Kill Bill. Music. Stand up. California. The internet. He really must have cared a lot, in his own way.

I was happy to see him in my dream. I wanted to show him a time, where I lived. Pay him back for the wonderful times he'd arranged for me.

I don't think I can do this. Even if I make it to Christmas, I think I'm gonna have to tell Jenny to stay away.

I couldn't leave today. To get food, a secret santa gift, to see old friends. It was hard to just get out of bed. All I want to do is disappear in an audiobook or a tv series.

You know, even food tastes like garbage now. Except chocolate. And cookies.

And scotch.

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